Cry!

I was reading a friend's blog today and learned of a tragedy that I couldn't shake from my mind. A mother suffering from post-partum depression killed her child. Normally that stuff makes me sick and angry. But I felt for her. And it reminded me of all the hurting people that we are surrounded by. I know of friend's marriage who is failing because of bout of "freedom." Another friend just moved to a big city with her new hubby and she feels alone. A guy my hubby met a couple weeks ago lost his baby in childbirth and now his wife has left him. Too many people I know whose spouses have left them. I'm still shaken by the friend I lost a few years back. And oh the possibilities of loosing the people we love in the future. The heartache seems endless. Rest assured friends, in the heartache HE is there with you, holding you, loving you. Cry! Just cry out. And if you can...cry out to HIM! (this song has really touched me)

Cry Out To Jesus
Words by Mac Powell / Music by Third Day
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

remember this...

known

Have you ever recieved an e-mail that is full of questions about you to answer and send out to others? Asking questions like: If you could be any flower what would you be? It's usually followed by the person who sent it to you's answers on it. Or the even cheesier questions sent around on myspace bulletins or blog messages asking you to tell the world how many lovers you've had and your favorite beverage. Not to diss those of my friends that really do this, I fight the urge daily not to fill it out and send it so that everyone can see how quirky, sweet or mysterious I can be.

Why do we do these things? Do we really care that others know our favorite bubble gum flavor? Do we want Amens and applause over how many pets we've owned? Do we send out our secrets and our pasts expecting people to show us some kind of acceptance?

What I really think it shows us is that deep down we all have this urge to be known. And not just known of or recognized, but known in a way that is unforgettable. We want others to know where we've come from, what we've conquered, especially if we are not currently surrounded by those who have seen much of our pasts. We want people to know how truly unique we are, to make us feel like there is no one who could fill the shoes of ourself. We want to be known intrinsically and in a way that tells us we are breathtaking, beautiful, witty, attractive, mysterious and a flavor all of our own.

But somehow I doubt that this is what is accomplished by mass mailers, retouched photos, elaborate layouts, popular song choices or even about me blurbs. So since it's clear and obvious that the desire to be known runs deep inside us, the question is: how can we quench this desire? Is it beyond quenching? Do we know of others who have found it?

I'm convinced that in my search of contentment, the answer to this question plays a profound role.

What do you think?

big boy

My baby is a big boy! almost 17 months old

Hmmmm...

stole this from my friend Ronnie!it says: "Many people lack a spiritual belief system and fill that void with obsessions about celebrities. The celebrities are raised to the rank of gods, and these earthly gods will always fail the expectations the masses have set for them. The cycle runs thusly: adoration turns to obsession, obsession turns to disappointment, and from disappointment it is just a short emotional jump to contempt." -Donna Phillips, freelance writer

just me

I guess I've been feeling contemplative lately. So this blog may be pretty random today but it's just me. I can't believe how much love I feel for the little boy upstairs playing in his room. I hear his little feet running around excited about this car he's been driving around all morning. And as I play some music to get this thought going he hears it, runs to the stairs and starts singing. Oh, be still my heart, I never imagined how I could feel so much bursting love for an individual I just met 16 months ago. Everyone should experience this!

I had my ten year reunion a few weeks back and when I first learned this year that it would actually happen, I can't believe the sort of mid-life crisis I started to hit. I started to question everything I thought I was sure about. I wasn't sure my life had amounted to much. Where was my worth in the eyes of my old classmates? "Oh, I'm just a mom and a wife right now" How could I tell people that? When this world calls that lazy, uneducated, nothing. But I am something, if only they knew. I have the most important job on the earth, raising a content little boy who will have to grow up and teach some of their children what chivalry looks like, how to treat others, how to care deeply for things, how to love, how to lead, etc. Because his friends may not have gotten a mom to stay at home and teach them all those things. Not only that, I play a huge role in my husbands ministry. I play a huge role in the kingdom of God, but society doesn't recognize that as job. And on top of that, I am educated. I have studied, psychology, education and recieved a degree in journalism, that's writing and researching. That's something. And it takes a bigger person to walk away from all that possible self-assurance to be "just a mom" for a season.

What I face now is, I feel like I'm still trying to find myself. I go back and forth to thinking I know who I am and looking at old pictures and realizing I'm still working on it. Maybe because of the way I grew up, I didn't have long committed relationships. I had trust issues. I had some really great friends but when that started to fade because of one reason or another I moved on to the next great friendship. The result was I left high school for college and moved on with friends there. My friendships seemed real proximital (is that even a word?). Don't worry, I have a few relationships that I still nurture, but it gets hard to do that too, again, proximital. Maybe that's why getting married for me was the best thing, I had a legal and spiritual committment to a relationship with fading away not even an option. But, trust me, it's much more than that. But what I'm saying is, that because of this, because I don't have someone in my life that has stuck with me through everything, maybe that's why I feel lost sometimes. Family has been there, but after college I was pretty much on my own and changed in ways they probably couldn't keep up with. Maybe this is why God makes so much sense to me, where as others who can't make any sense of God. But he's seen everything, EVERYTHING!!! And he is so real to me, because I've shown myself to him and he's STILL with me, and God has shown himself to me. In times when I just needed to know of his realness, I've discovered it, or rather, he's shown me. Call me crazy, just do it. But all I really need is to know it for me. What your life is like with God is between you and HIM.


Sorry for the rambling, thanks for being good listeners, err, readers. :)

Some of the best things in life are free

We'd been wanting to get one of those cheap baby pools to put in the back yard for Asher. And I was driving home one day and saw this pool on the the corner with a "Free" sign on it. Turns out the family was moving, it was brand new and they couldn't fit it in with them. Asher was so excited and so was I. I put bubble bath in there with him, to get him cleaned up at the same time!

Asher does his own hair?

Some days Asher is particular about he wants his hair. I try to comb it and he gets angry at me, probably because there are big snarls in the back. Most of the time I can't figure out why he has this mess of hair only in the back. But recently I have caught him taking his hands and messing up his hair. His hair product of choice? Banana.

A King for a week

We like to draw out birthdays, so here are some pics of Josh's Birthday breakfast (the day after his birthday), Gluten-Free Egg McMuffins and sausage and fruit and fresh OJ.

We then took a couple days off and went up to the mountains. A couple hours in we hit the Hot Sulphur Springs, 22 natural spring pools ranging in different temperatures. We drove up to Grand Lake and Granby, it the most beautiful sights, picture a crystal lake surrounded my mountians. On our way to Estes, we drove through the continental divide, we felt like we were on top of the world, that's were we stopped for lunch.. We fed the chipmunks, did some hiking and were back home before anyone could notice we were gone. It was a fun trip. And both my boys were happy fellas!

NEWSFLASH: #1 Hubby turns a year older!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSH!

I love you!

ps. everyone slip on over to http://www.joshlusesblog.blogspot.com/ and wish him a happy bday!!!